Embracing Failure and Imposter Syndrome

In this mini-episode of Sharing The Mddl, I want to chat with you about imposter syndrome and failure. I had a realization that I couldn’t write about being an imposter because I wasn’t even good enough to be an imposter – I was a straight up failure. I share some of my past experiences as an overachiever, how I’ve felt like I wasn’t good enough to be in certain professional situations, and how The Mddl is teaching me to learn from failure.

Then, in the Advice From The Mddl, I share some advice on how to deal with imposter syndrome. My tips include acknowledging and accepting the feeling, reframing negative thoughts, and seeking support from others. I hope it can help you!

To wrap up, I want to share my Lacey Loves with you. I’m currently loving Human Design, Pop Culture, and Wedge Pillows. Let me know if you’ve tried any of them out!

Essay From The Mddl

Lacey Loves Links

Episode sponsored by: Support From The Mddl

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Full Transcript

[TRANSCRIPT] [0:00:00] (Lacey): Um, welcome to Sharing the Middle, where we’re covering perfectionists overachievers and anyone in the middle of a struggle come together to learn to embrace the messy middles of life. I’m Lacey, your friend in the Middle and guide. Today in our mini episode, we have an essay from the Middle about impostor syndrome. Advice from the middle. Again, more about imposter syndrome. And then we get into my lace you love, so let’s jump right in. [0:00:31] (Lacey): Essay from the middle. When you’re not good enough for imposter syndrome and you realize you failed for a different reason than you thought, I’ve been working on a piece about imposter syndrome for weeks now. As usual, I find that if things aren’t flowing, that means that there is something wrong with the premise of what I’m writing. Finally today, I realized I couldn’t write something about being an imposter when I feel like a straight up failure. [0:00:57] (Lacey): You see, being an imposter implies that you’ve gotten to where you are and are faking it. I’m faking it, but I’m just nowhere close to where I want to be. Past Relationship with Impostor Syndrome it’s no secret that I’ve always been an overachiever. In my past professional experiences, I was often the youngest person in the room. I would look around and have this feeling of not being good enough to be there. [0:01:22] (Lacey): I’ll be honest, looking back, there were a few times when I wasn’t quite qualified. Not necessarily in skills, but in mindset. Usually, though, I was definitely qualified. My voice was needed and valuable. Looking back, I wish I could tell that previously, see how great she was, that she would find so much more joy in the process if she could just relax a little bit and trust the skills and experiences that got her to where she was. [0:01:47] (Lacey): I also wish that I could tell her she’s going to have to deal with real failure in the future to be able to help her see the differences. Experiencing Failure I’ve never been fired from a job before. There were times when it just wasn’t feeling right. I talked to others in the organization and I made a move. Each time I left those places, I had another job lined up and left on the best of terms. I wasn’t fired from my last job. [0:02:13] (Lacey): I just ceased working there. Maybe that sounds like semantics to you, but it’s an important fact for me. I physically could not do the jobs the way I was previously, and then I just didn’t work there anymore. It was out of my hands. It had nothing to do with my capability. There’s so much more here, but it’s not relevant to this essay. What is significant is that I was left without a job and no future prospect in sight. For the first time in my life, The Middle was my saving grace. [0:02:45] (Lacey): When I started The Middle, the plan was for it to make money someday, but to take my time getting there and find joy in the process. Without my job anymore, I needed the middle to make money. Now, the past few months you’ve been along for the ride and you’ve seen me try this in action. I set up my first quarter goals, which is like a super businessy thing, I feel like, some of which I thought I was making low purposely to be able to achieve them. [0:03:11] (Lacey): We’re getting to the end of the first quarter and I’m not going to achieve them being the content creator that I have started to become. I posted a TikTok reel this week about talking about how I won’t be meeting my quarterly goals. I posted it before the end of the quarter because I knew once I hit March 31, the failure would be crushing. And I wasn’t even close. I started getting feedback from quite lovely people, many assuring me I was not a failure and I have definitely made progress. [0:03:43] (Lacey): This is great advice and well meaning, but I did fail. I was stuck in a mindset that was no longer serving me, letting go of a mindset. I had created a narrative in my head that I should have one job and that job has to make all of my money. And money meant success. For the middle to grow in profit as a business, it has to have a clear following. I need the numbers to be able to show potential brand partners and people to trust and care enough to spend their money for more of the middle. [0:04:16] (Lacey): That’s going to take time, at least if I want to do it in a way that feels ethically good to me. I’ve planted a seed. I need to let that plant grow me. Watching it wasn’t making it happen faster. I needed to separate the middle from money. The minute I did this, I took the pressure off and have felt so much lighter. My failure was related to being an imposter, just differently. At the end of the day, I was being an imposter, just not in the way that I thought. [0:04:47] (Lacey): I still must make money. And the good news is that I have other skills and ideas to be able to make that happen. It still will not be a traditional job like it was before, because I frankly can’t do that. Something is coming together and it isn’t something straightforward, and that’s okay. I need to start releasing the expectations and worries about what other people think. I’ve done this in some ways, but in a lot of other ways I have not. [0:05:13] (Lacey): When your reality changes, all aspects of your life are allowed to change. I still worry about my family judging me for not having a job. Similarly, I worry about previous work acquaintances seeing what I put out there and rolling their eyes about me thinking I’m something special, which I am. Screw them if they do think that. I’m shedding all of these expectations because it’s making me be an imposter differently. I get to define my success and how I get there. [0:05:46] (B): Today’s episode of Sharing the Middle is brought to you by me, Lacey, the author of Support from the Middle. [0:05:53] (Lacey): Support from the Middle is my newly. [0:05:55] (B): Released workbook that walks you through some self reflection and self care exercises with additional resources for recovering perfectionists, overachievers and those in the middle of a struggle. You’ll hear directly from me like you do on this podcast throughout the workbook to hopefully give you some extra boosts along your own selfhelpy journey. Get Support from the Middle on Amazon today in either ebook or paperback with the audiobook coming later this year. [0:06:20] (B): Thanks for supporting the middle. [0:06:24] (Lacey): Our advice from the middle. Today I went in and picked one related to Imposter Syndrome because why the heck not, since I’m writing you because I am struggling with a phenomenon that I have recently learned called Imposter Syndrome. Despite achieving success in my career and receiving recognition for my work, I can’t shake the feeling that I don’t belong or that I am not qualified for the position I’m in. This feeling of inadequacy has been affecting my work and personal life and I’m not sure how to overcome it. I often feel like a fraud, like I’m just faking my way through life waiting for someone to expose me. I’ve tried reminding myself of my achievements and successes, but it seems like nothing is enough to quell. [0:07:04] (Lacey): This person’s got a great vocabulary, this feeling of self doubt. I am hoping you can offer some advice on how to deal with Imposter Syndrome and regain my confidence. I picked this one because like I said, I wish I could go back to previous Lacey and tell her that it’s all okay, that she’s doing great. And so that’s how I’m going to start with this. Dear reader, is that it’s all okay and you’re doing great. [0:07:30] (Lacey): I know you know that. And I think that’s the hard part about Imposter Syndrome is it is so within your own head that what other people say and do, unless it’s a negative, doesn’t seem to matter. I love the idea of checking your achievements and successes. One thing that I literally am going to set up today for myself is a notion like Achievements Dashboard to keep reminding myself that I am making progress and that I am doing well. [0:08:02] (Lacey): So if you can have those achievements somewhere that are easily found or available to you, that’s a great start. I think though, what I would love for you to think about is what does success look like? Because at the end of the day, if you are successful but you feel like you’re not successful, there is obviously a gap somewhere within your brain that you need to connect. And if it’s solely what you think other people might think about you, then you need to look outward. [0:08:44] (Lacey): I think it’s betches does a weekly thing on TikTok about all the crazy things of how people are succeeding in the dumbest ways. So if they can do that, you aren’t a failure. And it actually has a lot of merit to it, in my opinion of really just kind of taking and centering what’s going on within you to be more in a proper it’s proper the word that I want accurate, just a better context. Because I think maybe that is what the problem often is when we’re thinking about Imposter Syndrome is this context of black and white good and wrong, not good enough, good enough, or failure success. [0:09:33] (Lacey): And the reality is it’s not one or the other. Life and everything is complicated. So shifting the context to understand all of those different things can be true at the same time I think can be helpful. I mean, what’s the phrase? Live your life like a mediocre white man? Do it. I mean, if that helps you, great. Watch those bitches tiktoks or reels because they are very funny and sadly true. Like I said, the hard thing about Imposter Syndrome is it’s you within your own head and that’s rough. So anytime that you can get accurate portrayals of what’s going on, to be able to reset that context in your head I think is really important. [0:10:17] (Lacey): Also, if you are faking it, you are kicking off. I mean, really, that is an achievement in itself and that is something else to celebrate if you’ve made it this far. Heck yeah. You have. You have faked your way here and that took some damn skills. It’s a hard thing. It’s a hard thing. And I think the more that we all talk about it, the more that we’ll all start to realize that these standards or as my friend said earlier this week, fake rules have nothing to do with us in our day to day lives and who we are. [0:10:54] (Lacey): And we get to decide what is important to us and how we live our lives. Good luck, my friend. If you would like some advice from the middle, you can send it to hello at the Middle.com and maybe I’ll select yours to give you some kick ass advice as well. All right, my friends, we are at the end or last segment, not the end. I don’t want to think of it as the end of the mini episode today, which is Lacey Loves. And I just want to do a few general Lacey Loves because they’re on my mind. [0:11:32] (Lacey): One being human design. I think I’ve mentioned it on here before. Human Design is this whole rather intense system of astrology meets chakras, meets all kinds of different things about the moment that you were born and that you were kind of imprinted to go through the world a certain way and you’ve been given certain talents and energy things to be able to do that. And my Human Design is a manifesto, which means that my energy comes in spurts, and it’s my job to inform and create in this world. I can initiate action, which is great and very fitting for me. But when I’m not feeling like myself, I go into something called my not self theme, which is anger. And I woke up yesterday feeling angry, and it was such a great way for me to think about, oh, I am feeling angry. [0:12:25] (Lacey): I don’t know why. I really need to think this over. And I did some internal thinking and I talked to my husband, and there are a lot of things that make me angry. There are a lot of things that I can control to adjust that anger. And I’ve kind of been able to do it the past day or two, and it’s been so nice. And I woke up feeling good this morning. And so I posted a TikTok reel about this. But just it’s amazing how feeling your feelings and not suppressing them can really make a difference. [0:12:54] (Lacey): The other thing that I love is spring. I love spring so much. I love the joy, the hope, the excitement of spring. It’s all about possibilities and I love that. I also love pop culture. I just wanted to say that I actually think I’m going to start doing just a little part of the blog where I write my takes on self culture. No, it’s my takes on pop culture. Thank you, Lacey. Because I want to. And I don’t mean I care if you read it, but I don’t really care if people read it because it’s just about me. And I just need to get some of these things out. Like, I have opinions about Jersey Housewives, I have opinions about Vanderpump Rules, I have opinions about things. [0:13:35] (Lacey): And I think, as we’ve continued to learn, is I just need to get them out so I can move on and maybe other people will find joy in that, too. Last but not least, my product based Lacey Love, is a Wedge pillow. I joined this thing called Stack Influence a few weeks ago, and I get a chance to get a product post about it and then they pay me back for it. So it’s like I get to try out products and it’s really cool. [0:13:59] (Lacey): Anyway, I got a Wedge pillow and I freaking love it. There’s a lot of different ways to use it. Like if you have acid reflux or I would have loved it when I was pregnant. Just so many different ways. I just love it because it’s just so comfortable. And I don’t know about you, but I always have a really hard time finding the right level of what’s the word that I’m looking for? Right level of not evolution. Hold on. We’re going to get there. Friends. What’s it called when you are higher or lower? [0:14:30] (Lacey): I’m going to google it. We’re going to Google this together. Elevation cheesel beets. Okay. I’m always trying to find the right elevation of my neck being supported. I also am like a back and a side sleeper, so trying to figure that out is always struggling. We all know, right? I love my bed. I love being in my bed, so anything that makes my bed better is great. What I often find with support pillows is the transition from the bed to the pillow is uncomfortable. Like, I notice it and then I can’t not think about it. That’s just my brain in general. [0:15:09] (Lacey): Anyway, I love this because the transition from the bed to the pillow not noticeable because it’s like memory foam. I don’t know. I loved it, so it’s in my Amazon store front. Sorry. I still think it’s funny that I get to say that. If you want one, I just really like it. And if you’re a bed person like me, I’m sure you love any opportunity to make your bed better. I hope that you have a fantastic day. [0:15:30] (Lacey): Thank you so much for joining me. Next week is my final Woman Who Made Me podcast, and it is with my mom and sisters because they are the women who made me, and I’m so excited for you all to hear it. Anyway, thanks for joining me in the middle today.