The Mini-Episode Where My Husband Joins Me

In this mini episode, I talk about my struggles with balancing productivity and inspiration. I discuss how I’m trying to figure out where inspiration, productivity, and value meet. I also share advice on how to balance work and family responsibilities. My husband Joe joins me to offer his perspective on the topic. We discuss how communication is key in maintaining work-life balance and how to prioritize tasks to avoid feeling overwhelmed. I also share my recent loves, including crocheting and the Loop earplugs, which have helped with my sensory issues. Overall, it’s a lighthearted episode that offers valuable insights into the struggles of balancing different aspects of life.

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Lacey Loves Links

Loop Earplugs

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Transcript

[0:00:06] (Lacey): Welcome to Sharing the Middle, where recovering perfectionists overachievers and anyone in the middle of a struggle come together to learn to embrace the messy middles of life. I’m Lacey, your friend in the middle.

[0:00:15] (Lacey): And guide whose claim to fame this.

[0:00:17] (Lacey): Week is recocking her bathtub. I watched a YouTube video and did it all by myself. Is it good? I don’t know, but it’s done. We have a mini episode today and it’s a very special mini episode because my husband Joe is going to join me for part of it. That should be interesting for us all involved. But first we’re going to do a reading from the middle. And then after our advice from the middle, we’ll go into Lacey loves. Let’s jump right in.

[0:00:48] (Lacey): A reading from the middle. Inspiration, productivity and the middle. Providing value is genuinely important to me, as is sharing in an authentic and genuine way. However, these two things can often be at odds, and right now that is very much true for me.

[0:01:08] (Lacey): I don’t know how to provide you.

[0:01:10] (Lacey): Value and any of my ideas end up feeling so off of what feels right. Maybe it’s having a hard time getting back into the swing of things, or maybe it’s just a lack of inspiration. But every time I sit down to write, nothing good comes out. I just needed to get something down on paper. So here I am, dictating this actually, because my hands hurt too badly to type. But I’m trying to figure out where inspiration, productivity and value meet.

[0:01:36] (Lacey): I desire and reach for all of these things, but I can’t seem to grasp them in a tangible way. Productivity is great right now when I cannot be productive how I would like. I will do whatever I can to feel productive. Honestly. That’s how the middle started. I didn’t feel productive as a person, so I started producing writings on my thoughts and feelings. But now that’s the thing that I want to be productive doing and I.

[0:02:05] (Lacey): Can’T seem to do it.

[0:02:06] (Lacey): Instead, my productivity is coming out in other ways, like attempting to reculc my own bathtub. And I think I did. I’m just not sure if I did it well or crocheting a giant bag that turned out to be too giant of a bag and now I’m making one that is too small. It’s a really funny, tangible aspect of me trying and struggling with the middle. What I am realizing though, is that these projects are productivity without inspiration.

[0:02:34] (Lacey): What about inspiration? I’m starting to recognize that when I have these moments of no inspiration, it means I should probably rest in human design. As I’ve mentioned before, I am what is called a manifesto. Manifesto are here to initiate action and inform others of what they’re doing. They don’t have a steady input of energy. It comes out in spurts. And this is something I’ve always faced. I never feel like I can meet productivity guidelines because of these different spurts of energy and inspiration.

[0:03:07] (Lacey): I do think this means something for the middle. I’m starting to think about how to continue to share my middle while bringing other voices in authentic and easy ways. There are aspects, my personality and being that I don’t feel are truly coming through in the middle. You’re not able to see the silliness that I often have or how I really approach life with a sense of humor and love. Laughter I do think you got an insight into it more with my Women Who Made Me series because I was able to be comfortable and talk in an authentic, just way as I was and there was some magic in that. So non inspired productivity is productive.

[0:03:48] (Lacey): I’m in a non productive place, but I’m starting to recognize that it is productive because it has made me take a step back to rest and think about what inspires me and how I can use that inspiration to share with others. Rest is productive. And the rest that I’ve been doing the past couple of weeks, frankly, has been vital to my essence. And being even though I really would love to, I don’t think I need or should put an end date to that rest, but instead just start to look at this rest as an opportunity to see the landscape and, of course, appreciate this weird middle that I’m in.

[0:04:34] (Lacey): Today’s episode of Sharing the Middle is brought to you by me, Lacey, the author of Support from the Middle. Support from the Middle is my newly.

[0:04:43] (Lacey): Released workbook that walks you through some.

[0:04:45] (Lacey): Self reflection and self care exercises with additional resources for recovering perfectionists, overachievers and those in the middle of a struggle. You’ll hear directly from me like you.

[0:04:55] (Lacey): Do on this podcast throughout the workbook.

[0:04:57] (Lacey): To hopefully give you some extra boosts along your own selfhealthy journey. Get Support From the Middle on Amazon today in either ebook or paperback with the audiobook coming later this year. Thanks for supporting the middle.

[0:05:12] (Lacey): All right, let’s jump into our Advice From the Middle today. Our letter says I’m a working mother of two young children and I’m struggling to balance my work and family responsibilities. I feel like I am constantly running from one thing to the next and I never have enough time for anything. Do you have any advice for how I can better balance my work and family responsibilities? How can I make time for everything without feeling overwhelmed and stressed out?

[0:05:40] (Lacey): Any guidance you can offer would be much appreciated.

[0:05:43] (Lacey): And like I said in the intro.

[0:05:45] (Lacey): My husband Joe is here to give advice with me.

[0:05:48] (Lacey): Hi, Joe.

[0:05:49] (Joe): Hello.

[0:05:50] (Lacey): Are you super jazzed to be joining me today on my podcast?

[0:05:55] (Joe): The Most jazzed that I Could possibly.

[0:05:57] (Lacey): Be, which is like a level 30 from your tone, as people can tell clearly. Joe, I’ll let you talk. Is there anything that jumps out to you at first?

[0:06:09] (Joe): The first thing that jumps out to me is, does this person have a partner that they’re sharing these responsibilities with? Because if they do, then I think they need to reevaluate their situation and maybe discuss the different responsibilities, whether that be at work or at home. Come to obviously a different agreement about sharing what is getting done.

[0:06:37] (Lacey): I think, and hopefully it’s not too much for me to share, that both you and I have done this in our relationship. Come to the other one and been like, hey, I am doing too much, or I am getting worn down. And it’s a hard conversation to have because you never want your partner to feel attacked. But at the same time you got to have the conversation.

[0:06:57] (Joe): It is important to communicate your needs, especially around things like this, which if you don’t, will end up building resentment and make the two of you not necessarily hate each other, but end up hating each other for reasons that could very easily be resolved through communication.

[0:07:14] (Lacey): Communication is always harder to do than to say which to say is communication. Anyway, we don’t know if this person has a partner. So I will kind of come at it from a little bit of a different angle, thinking about it. And I think what really stood out to me is when you said, how can I make time for everything? And I think at the end of the day, you may have to sit down and really reconcile that you don’t have time for everything and that’s okay.

[0:07:50] (Lacey): And so to me, that says that you need to sit down and prioritize what you actually need to do versus what you feel like you should do, whether that’s from society or work. I think a lot of times as parents, especially mothers, but I know this is something that Joe’s talked about before with me. You want to be everything to everyone, but you can’t.

[0:08:16] (Lacey): And that’s okay too.

[0:08:18] (Lacey): I think that first step of evaluating what needs to be done and that you don’t have to do everything.

[0:08:25] (Joe): Yeah, I think you got it exactly. I think people need to remember whether you’re doing something because you feel responsible for it, whether you’re doing something because you feel like society tells you that you have to do something a certain way. I think you have to evaluate all of the different things in your life and determine whether or not you truly need to do it or whether or not you need to do it to the level that you’ve been doing it. For example, folding your laundry when you’ve finished washing it.

[0:08:59] (Joe): Do you need to fold your laundry before you put it away? Some of us would say yes, but if you’re a single mother of two children and you’re working and you do not have the time to fold laundry, if it’s clean and you’ve got a drawer you can shove it in, shove it in. That drawer and don’t take the time to fold it. If saving the time on that means more time with your children or more time for you to relax, don’t do it. Yeah, anything you can do to cut down on those tasks that you’re doing because you think you’re supposed to do them. If your children are going to be just fine if your mental health is going to be just fine skip doing the dishes one night or run the dishwasher every single night, even if it’s not completely full. As long as you can afford to do those types of things, then do them. Not just for your sanity, but for your mental health. And save yourself the extra time wherever you can.

[0:09:52] (Lacey): And it doesn’t change your quality of a parent. The thing that I was thinking of.

[0:09:56] (Lacey): Is it was our daughter’s second birthday.

[0:09:58] (Lacey): Last week, and this week, I don’t know, time is a construct for me right now. And we were both so worn out from Easter. My grandmother’s services, all these things, and Joe and I just looked at each other and was like, we’re going to celebrate later. We just don’t have it in us to do this in a way that it would be good for anyone. So we did still do a little sing to her celebration, and then this weekend we’re going to do something else a little bit more. I guess what I’m saying is we are not meeting a birthday party standard, but our daughter gets to feel celebrated and loved on her birthday, which is really around her birthday, you know what I’m saying, is the goal. And so just because we’re not doing it in this giant party with ponies or that kind of stuff is fine and we’re happy with it because she’s two and she won’t remember.

[0:10:56] (Joe): She won’t remember.

[0:10:57] (Lacey): And goodness gracious, she’ll just be so.

[0:10:59] (Lacey): Happy that people are singing at her, and that’s enough to be fair, if.

[0:11:03] (Joe): She did get brownies and a candle on her birthday, she did.

[0:11:08] (Lacey): And oh, my gosh, when we sang to her, she was like, this is the greatest moment of my life.

[0:11:12] (Joe): She loved it.

[0:11:13] (Lacey): She sang with us, too. She did, which I loved.

[0:11:16] (Joe): She was also very interested in the candle, which was not not a good thing.

[0:11:20] (Lacey): She did try to grab the candle.

[0:11:22] (Joe): Try to grab the candle. But everybody’s okay.

[0:11:24] (Lacey): Yeah, I think those are the biggest things. I think it’s harder on the work side to make those concessions via than the the home side. But I do think you can look at where can you maybe lean back a little bit more at work? Maybe it’s not volunteering for something. Maybe I hate the term quiet quitting and all that stuff that’s along with it because I think it’s actually very counterproductive because it’s just people having boundaries, and you’re allowed to have boundaries at work, too.

[0:11:56] (Joe): You deserve a work life balance.

[0:11:57] (Lacey): Yeah, I don’t know. I think that 1 may also be some communication with your supervisors or teammates or whatnot, depending on your work situation.

[0:12:08] (Joe): Or even just some internal reflection of taking the time to truly figure out, are you putting in too much effort or do you need to put in as much effort as you are? Because maybe you think, oh, I’m going to get this promotion if I really push and really push and then what happens if you don’t get that promotion? And is that truly what would get you the promotion? And maybe you just need to kind of meet a bare minimum instead of really pushing yourself very far and very hard.

[0:12:35] (Lacey): And I will say that is not easy for some people. To me, I don’t know how to care less. That is something I struggle with in general, but I have been making a lot of progress in that area. Any other final ideas or advice?

[0:12:51] (Joe): Yeah, kind of a little bit of a weird one. If the kids are at least two or older, have them help out. Have them start doing the chores. If you’re always overwhelmed by cleaning up the toy area, then start having them do a little bit at a time. If you’re overwhelmed by the dishes. Kids, weirdly enough, love doing dishes sometimes. They love helping with laundry, they love helping with chores. So if the kids are old enough, I would say involve them. And you can use that not just to get stuff done, but also as time with them.

[0:13:23] (Lacey): I will say that is something that Isaac, our older child, is really good about. Like, if you’re like, if you can pick up one thing and then two things, he gets really invested because he’s.

[0:13:34] (Joe): Involved and we’re spending time together. Even though we’re cleaning, we’re still spending time together and he gets to be involved in it and that’s all he wants.

[0:13:42] (Lacey): Yeah, you guys did a really good job of that the other night where you cleaned up a lot as a little team. While I was I cooking. I was actually doing you’re making dinner. That was me congratulating myself for actually congratulations.

[0:13:55] (Joe): And then they immediately undid all of that work the next day and immediately turned all of the buckets of toys upside down and spread them between three or four different rooms. So is life, but we’ll do it again and everyone will be just fine.

[0:14:10] (Lacey): Thank you for sending in your piece or request for advice. Remember that you can always request advice by emailing hello at the middle.com. And maybe your advice will get a special Joe appearance.

[0:14:26] (Joe): Yeah, I mean, most people can see me right now. That’s fine.

[0:14:30] (Lacey): Okay. Thanks, Joe.

[0:14:32] (Joe): You’re welcome.

[0:14:40] (Lacey): All right, so I convinced Joe to stay with me for the Lacey Love segment, mostly because I like making him talk to me and look at me.

[0:14:48] (Joe): Yeah, but if I don’t talk, it’s like I’m not here. I might actually be here, but if I stay quiet for the rest of it, it’s like I’m not here.

[0:14:56] (Lacey): That’s a little frustratingly.

[0:14:59] (Lacey): True.

[0:14:59] (Lacey): Anyway, my Lacey loves this week are going to be two things. One is crocheting. I’ve picked up crocheting the past week and I’ve made two market bags. One that’s enormous and one that’s a little bit more reasonably sized. Speaking of kids, they did use the enormous bag for their cart. Was it like the Matchbox cars? I mean, it’s laying empty on the floor right now because the Matchbox cars went somewhere.

[0:15:27] (Lacey): Joe made a gesture of emptying it out, but yeah. So my mom taught me how to crochet and it’s something I’ve kind of picked up on and off. I am not good at it, but it is something good to do with my hands. Yes, I’m sure they can hear Indian background breathing. You’re really sticking with this not talking thing. I hate you. Anyway, I’m not very good at it, but what I really like about it is it’s kept my hands busy that I have not been reaching for the phone to do mindless scrolling. And I have really enjoyed that. I do kind of get laser focused sometimes and I think may come as a frustration to other people in this household. One who’s refusing to speak right now and also my children who just desperately want to unravel it as I’m doing it. The other thing is I’ve got a pair of the loop earplugs. I’ve been having a lot of sensory issues.

[0:16:23] (Lacey): I’ve always struggled with too much noise.

[0:16:25] (Lacey): But since I’ve gotten sick, it has gotten overwhelming. It’s so hard. One with kids because they can be very loud and that can get very overwhelming for me. But also when we went to my grandma’s visitation viewing, whatever the word right word is, I wanted to be able to be there and be there with my family. So I picked a spot and I sat and at a certain point I put my earplugs in because there was a lot of people in one room and it really helped. I’m hopeful that that is something that I will be able to continue to use.

[0:16:55] (Lacey): You can still talk and have a conversation with them and that is really nice. It just tones everything down and makes it much more digestible. Yeah, we’ll say that’s the word I’m looking for, the loop earplugs. I do have them in my Amazon storefront. I always feel so douchey when I say under my accessibility items category. So those are the things that I love. I would say that I love my husband, but he apparently is not here, so it doesn’t matter.

[0:17:22] (Joe): Well, I’m here. I can’t stop thinking about your ears digesting sound right now.

[0:17:27] (Lacey): What do you mean?

[0:17:28] (Joe): You said more digestible and now all I can think about is your ears digesting all the sound that they receive.

[0:17:34] (Lacey): I mean, I feel like that’s a.

[0:17:36] (Joe): Good analogy, I would have said manageable.

[0:17:40] (Lacey): Okay.

[0:17:40] (Joe): Now I’m thinking about the ears being.

[0:17:42] (Lacey): The bowels for I mean, they kind of are, right? Because it goes into the brain, and.

[0:17:49] (Joe): It gets about ears digesting sound in words.

[0:17:53] (Lacey): Like, are you thinking of it physically? I’m really trying to understand what is happening in your head right now.

[0:17:59] (Joe): Yeah, kind of. Well, it’s almost like what you’re hearing reaching your brain is like the feces of sound because your ears digesting the sound.

[0:18:14] (Lacey): Well, actually, if you think about it, the loop earplugs separate out the waste so there’s less feces.

[0:18:23] (Joe): Yeah. So get the loop earplugs, and you’ll have less poop on your brain.

[0:18:28] (Lacey): Now I’m really trying to think of different ways to make that work.

[0:18:32] (Joe): The loop earplugs are the lap band of ear digestion.

[0:18:36] (Lacey): There it is. There we go. Thank you. Thank you for that contribution.

[0:18:42] (Joe): Hey, you wanted me to be here. You chose this. You got exactly what you asked for.

[0:18:47] (Lacey): All right.

[0:18:48] (Lacey): Any last parting words, old brosa?

[0:18:51] (Joe): I’m not here.

[0:18:52] (Lacey): Yeah, Joe has been helping me edit episodes, so he has a very intimate view of the middle. Like me. No, I made that weird, didn’t I?

[0:19:04] (Joe): Made that real weird.

[0:19:05] (Lacey): Okay. All right.

[0:19:06] (Joe): I feel like you should just keep talking about it. You’re probably going to edit most of this out or you’ll leave it in just for the sheer awkwardness of it. I don’t know. So really, we went from sound poop on the brain to me being intimate with your middle.

[0:19:23] (Lacey): Yeah, that sounds about right.

[0:19:25] (Joe): Okay.

[0:19:26] (Lacey): And that’s where we’re going to leave you today at this episode. Thanks so much for sharing the middle with me today. Thanks for sharing the middle with me, Joe.

[0:19:35] (Joe): You’re welcome.

[0:19:35] (Lacey): All right, have a great day.